On Divorce
In Mark 10:1-12, the Pharisees tempt Christ to teach contrary to the law by questioning Him about divorce. When Christ asked them what Moses said, they reply that Moses said it was okay (paraphrasing). Christ clarifies what happened. He made clear that it was because of the hardness of their hearts that divorce was permitted, but that God had never intended for people to divorce. A Godly marriage should cause both hearts to become one, and they should never separate.
When the disciples got Christ alone, Christ was more clear. He said if a man puts away his wife and remarries, he is committing adultery against her. Likewise, if a woman puts away her husband and remarries, she is committing adultery. Those are Christ's words and they are very clear.
There are many reasons why people get divorced today. Frequently, Christ was never in the relationship to start with, and wasn't invited to join after marriage. Without Christ as the center, it is no surprise that so many marriages end up in divorce.
But even if a couple is trying to put Christ first, marriage is hard. To pretend it isn't is foolish. In this day, work, commutes, family, kids and differences in how to raise kids and kids' activities, different interests, stress of finances and unemployment, substance, verbal, physical, and emotional abuse, crime, health issues, lack of time, long deployments, unfair divisions of labor when both work, sexual incompatibility, and lately politics, and a host of other problems can plague a marriage. But when it comes down to a divorce, it really is summed up in one or both hearts being hardened.
All things can be handled if you don't harden your heart. Kids grow up. Jobs change. People can grow or be helped out of addictions. Counselling can help with abuse. Finances change. God can heal. There is nothing that you are going through that millions of other people haven't gone through as well. Maybe not as many things go wrong at once with others compared to you (although Job had it pretty rough to use a Biblical example). But there are probably many couples who have gone through what you're going through (or worse), and go on to be separated by death at old age and after decades of anniversaries.
But each person in a marriage has to decide whether they will rely on God to see them through whatever is troubling them or to give up and get a divorce and hope for better luck next time. If you're struggling, turn your situation over to God and let Him deal with it and be patient. He wants both of you to put Him first in your lives and work your situation out. Both of you putting Him first is the key, followed closely by both of you putting your partner before yourself.
I do know that if you choose divorce, you will never be the same again. It will be harder to form new relationships because you will have a greater lack of trust in someone else. You'll worry what is wrong with them that is going to come back and bite you a year, a decade, or a couple of decades from now. You'll be wary of someone who has been divorced because you don't know whether it was their heart or their partners heart which was hardened.
Don't kid yourselves that it will be better for your kids. If there's abuse, clearly it would be immediately better to get out of the abusive situation, But God would say to put Him first and stop the abuse without breaking up the family. Kids always suffer in the long run, and believe it or not, one or both of you will suffer with less access to your kid's lives in the future, even if you have a friendly divorce and the kids don't take sides.
And eventually, both of you will stand before God and He'll put everything on display. You'll be able to point out all the things that were wrong in your mind, but you'll also hear all the things that were wrong in your significant other's mind. And He'll also show you all the parts that were good. And you won't be lying in His presence. Everything presented will be truth. If you're a Christian, He'll ask you about verses like Mark 10:11-12 and say "Why did you ignore these?"
I don't think that just living together will get you off the hook either before a split or after a divorce. I'm pretty sure it's the same as marriage in God's eyes, even if you've never signed a legal document to start your marriage and end up in a common law marriage, or if you've been living together, but not long enough for a common law marriage to take effect. God looks on the hearts and not on a civil piece of paper.
Anyway, God has His own balance that is true and just because He sees the mind and heart and knows everything that has gone on in both lives. What was hidden, what was out in the open, what was one-sided, what was a mutual problem, God knows. He knows your triggers and frustrations. He knows what problems your significant other has been dealing with, perhaps silently, that may have contributed to your problems. He's the only one who knows everything. Your relatives don't know, Your friends don't know. Neither your pastor nor counselor know. If you ask them for advice, they'll only hear your side before giving their wisdom. Hopefully, the pastor, at least, would listen to God and want to see both parties. You can't say that for most of the rest.
Put your trust in God. If you're in an abusive relationship, maybe get help and then communicate by phone from someplace safe to try to work things out. Pray. But don't jump to divorce as a solution. The cost is high, regardless of any eternal consequences. If you're both Christians, or both become Christians before death or the rapture, you'll get to spend eternity with God together - at least in some way, shape, or form. How about working things out on this side of eternity instead of waiting till you have to do so.
To be clear, I was put away by my wife. Forgiveness took some time, but I got there. My ex-wife is almost always included in my prayers for the future, along with my kids and grand kids. I eventually got to the place where I could pray for the health of her significant other. We were together for a long time, and she'll always have a part of my heart. She'll always be the mother of our children. We still gather together for special occasions with the kids - birthdays, weddings, without rancor, but at the same time, much that could have been had has been lost. I do pray for God's will to be performed in my life, with her or with someone new. If you're divorced, find forgiveness in your heart for the other, and try to love. It's what God expects you to do, and it will be better for your children and yourself in the long run.
What I've said above comes from the heart and my experience and that of others. I know there are two sides to every story. Putting yourself in another's shoes is difficult. Talk about your problems before jumping to divorce. Don't harden your hearts. God can fix anything if you give Him time and both work with Him and make the changes He wants you to make.
Little Children
In Mark 10:13-16, the disciples were chastising people for bringing their children to Christ to receive blessings, I assume, by His touch. Christ rebuked them and made a statement about which many books have been written and sermons preached. I won't write a book here, because there is exhaustive commentary. But Christ basically says that to enter the kingdom of God, you need to be similar in spirit to a little child. He welcomed the little children's presence and told the disciples to knock it off.
So, I'll start with that. There's an acronym out there today - AMA - which can stand for many things, but in this case "Ask Me Anything". The worth of children has ebbed and flowed over time and culture in the world. In some places, they have little worth until they are old enough to work and help out with the work. In those places, that age is shockingly low by Western standards. Other cultures raise children to high levels, expecting nothing of them. The culture shapes their relation in the family.
Christ made it clear that children were worth a great deal to Him. I would that every parent in the world would take this to heart. I read of abuse. I read of children sold to slavery because the parents are poor. I read of simple neglect. And I am very sorrowful at the state of the world. I can't imagine what God thinks of all He sees and is reported to Him.
Christ wanted kids around. He wanted them to hear His teaching and get started out in life on the proper path. I doubt He dismissed anything they asked Him about. I suspect He always had an AMA policy. Now maybe His position of respect, and how their parents treated Him, would have made them a bit hesitant to ask Him anything. But I'm sure He would have given them a correct answer to anything they asked. It would have been formulated to their level of understanding, but it would have been accurate. Kids today need to have an environment where they can ask their parents anything and get a real answer. The parents need to understand the Bible sufficiently to be able to answer the questions correctly as well.
I've never been a fan of home schooling. I'd much rather that my kids were exposed to concepts while they were still willing to ask me questions about it and give me a chance to give my perspectives than to shelter them till they are out of high school and then hope for the best when the real world hits them in the face. But I seem to be in a minority. Granted, we have good public schools here, and that makes a difference.
But I've also been a champion of Sunday School all my life. And it's a dying breed for all sorts of reasons. Kids need an environment where they can be taught by Christian teachers who know the Bible and can teach and answer their questions. It's great if you have some ministry during the church service. I had that growing up as well. But I also had Sunday School which doubled the amount of time I had to learn compared to today. Churches really need to pray about this shift. It hasn't been for the better, and it shows in the world in which we live.
The next thing Christ talked about was that you needed to be like children to make it to heaven. That is a challenging thing! Kids have complete faith in what they are told - at least for a while. They are transparent to the parents - at least for a while. They love their parents and brothers and sisters completely, at least in a healthy family. Trust is present, along with faith. We need to have the same faith and trust in God and His promises as little children should have in their parents. If you were in a family where one or both of your parents didn't qualify in the faith and trust department, think of some family where it is evident. That's the sort of relationship God wants to have with you!
But as adults, it is easy to lose that total belief and faith. We lose it, not because God has moved, but because life has hurt us. Maybe that came about due to work, family relationships, health, religion, crime, war, politics, or whatever. But as we grow up, we lose that childhood faith in everything. It can seep over into our relationship with God as well, especially if our family situation wasn't great when we started as kids.
If you are struggling to have that kind of relationship with God again, seek the baptism in the Holy Spirit. It will give you a relationship to God that is closer than anything you have ever had with your family. Our salvation is free. All we have to do is ask, believe, and put Christ in charge of our lives. God's grace does the rest. Although there are many works we should do as Christians, they aren't relevant to salvation. Believing that there really is a free lunch when it comes to eternity can be tough for adults who live in a world of TANSTAAFL (Robert A. Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress). Christ paid the price, once, for all past, present, and future humanity. All you have to do is pick His restaurant and accept His gift to you.
The Rich Man
Mark 10:17-22 introduces us to a man of substance who comes to Christ wanting to know how to secure eternal life. Christ declares that only God should be considered good. This isn't to say that Christ wasn't, but Christ felt the rich man was trying to "butter Him up" rather than giving a true compliment, I suspect.
Christ replies with a list of many commandments, which the rich man says he has observed from his youth. He didn't say he'd been perfect forever. He only admitted the truth that he had come to a point, early in his life, that he started obeying the commandments. And Christ loved him for answering truthfully. Christ then suggests he go and sell all that he had and give to the needy, take up his cross and follow Christ. That wasn't the answer the man was looking for and he went away grieved because of his wealth.
In Mark 10:23-31, the disciples and Christ discuss this after the man has left. Christ starts with the comment that it will be difficult for the wealthy to make it to heaven. This probably hasn't changed much over the centuries since He said it. The disciples couldn't grasp that idea, because in their minds, the rich had it easy in the world compared to the working class and thought they should make it to heaven easily. They probably thought their offerings to the temple would guarantee them entrance. Later, Christ would take the opportunity to show them the difference between the gifts of the rich and the poor widow giving to the treasury (Mark 12:41-44)
Christ reiterates the difficulty of people who trust in their wealth and position of attaining heaven. He says it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to make it to heaven. There is debate about this verse. Some say a camel couldn't go through a city gate designed for people after dark without being unburdened first. Others say that camel is a mistake in translation and it really says a large cable like a ships hawser couldn't go through a needle. Regardless, it is a hard thing to do. He goes on to say, after their astonishment, that it wasn't impossible, because nothing was impossible with God, but it would take work on God's part for it to happen. Men's hearts don't change on their own. It takes the Holy Spirit work to change them.
The key thing, I think, is realizing that they aren't acceptable to God just as they are. After all, if they were to attribute their success to anything other than themselves, it would be to God's blessing on their lives. If God wasn't satisfied with me, I wouldn't have all this... is a popular lie of the heart of the rich. I don't think it is any harder for God to save a rich person than a poor person. But I think it is much harder for the rich to admit that they need anything in the first place.
After this, Peter pipes up to say that they have left everything to follow Christ. Christ replies that anyone who has given up everything for Christ and the gospel's sake will receive much in return, along with persecutions in this life along with eternal life. Then Christ warns that many who are first in the world will end up last in the world and in eternity. The opposite is true as well. Many who were overlooked in the world but gave everything for Christ and gospel will be first in eternity. Life on earth is but a brief shower. Eternity is forever.
All who are well off should determine how to use their riches for God's glory instead of hording it to just pass on to their children after death. I think Christ would have little good to say about the disparity in wealth in the world today or even just in any particular country. Pray about your situation, and ask God what He wants you to do. Then do it! If you're tithing, great. Start supporting missions. Shoot for 20%. If you find you can live on 20%, shoot for 30%. Just listen to God and adjust up or down as needed as life changes. But keep paying your tithe. Malachi 3:1-4:3 is a scary passage describing God's opinion of those who steal from Him.
A Bit of Prophecy
As the walked toward Jerusalem, in Mark 10:32-34, Jesus again declared that He would be delivered to the chief priests and scribes, He would be condemned to death, He would be delivered to the gentiles (Romans) who would mock, scourge, and spit upon Him, and then kill him. In three days time, He would rise again.
It is clear that Jesus wanted to prepare them for what would happen, and give them hope of His victory. It's just as easy for us to forget His promises as it was for them. When you're down and discouraged, remember His words and trust in Him. God won't let you down, ultimately. You may not get everything you want. After all, the disciples were mostly killed, many similarly to Christ. But just like Stephen, we look forward to heaven, and in his case could see Jesus directly before death.
The Greatest Revisited
Do you ever wonder if people are listening to you? Do you think your thoughts don't matter? Christ could sympathize. As they continued to Jerusalem, James and John wanted Christ to do whatever they desired for them. Christ wondered what that would be? They wanted to sit in places of honor in heaven on each side of Christ. Christ declared that they didn't know what they were asking, and asked them additionally if they could follow out their lives as He would. They said they could, and He replied that indeed, they would follow a course of life ending similarly to Him. But said that seating arrangements in heaven weren't up to Him.
When the rest of the disciples heard the discussion, they were upset with James and John. He emphasized again that whoever would be the greatest of them would be the servant of all, just like He was. To have a heart of service is a great thing. It was what the rich man earlier in the chapter hadn't grasped. It's what He'd tried to explain to them earlier after the rich man left.
The things of God are drastically different than the things of man. And when you've lived the life in the human world for most of your life, it can be hard to grasp the difference. To give your life and time as a servant is great in the eye of God (providing you're serving Him of course). But in the eyes of the world, it is stupid. Supporting His work with prayer and finances is a great thing to God. It's a stupid thing in the eyes of the world. Seeking to serve instead of win is diametrically opposed to how the world works. In the eyes of the world "He who dies with the most toys wins!" Not so with God. He doesn't necessarily object to toys, but if they are your primary focus, you haven't earned anything that will be an eternal blessing to you.
Finally, don't forget that this desire for lordship and grand plans caused discord among the disciples. Don't expect that grand plans and ambitions will not cause some discord in the body. It is almost guaranteed to do so. Some denominations do better in electing leaders than others. Mostly, they aren't life positions, so there isn't as much ambition to attain the peak as is seen in other denominations where the top is a life position. Be sure if you seek higher office, that you also have the heart of a servant. If your heart is filled with ambition with a lust for power, you are destined to be put in your place by either God or historians, or both.
But if you take nothing else from this section, remember this. The least servant is greatest in the eyes of their master when they do what the master wishes. When they serve the master (God in this case) faithfully, obediently, expeditiously, truly in doing exactly what He wants them to do, when and how He wants it done, they will truly be great in the kingdom of God because God will be able to use them wherever they are to do His work, reliably. It's why Christ was successful and made a difference in the world that has lasted for millennia. He did what He saw His Father doing. He said what the Father wanted Him to say. He was quiet when the Father wanted Him to be quiet. And ultimately, He gave His life on the cross and was resurrected to meet the requirements of His Father. He declared we would do greater works than He. That will only happen as we determine to live a life that is controlled by the Holy Spirit in just as close a fashion as Christ's was.
God is looking for there to be many in this generation who would share the title of greatest in the kingdom. It doesn't have to just be bestowed on one. He needs many who are faithful to step up. Remember the story of the lady who gave all to the temple... In Christ's eyes, she was great! Give your all in line with His work.
Blind Bartimaeus
The chapter closes in Mark 10:46-52 with the story of Bartimaeus. He was outside of Jericho, begging for assistance from those who passed. When he knew that it was Jesus passing by, he hollered for help and the people shushed him. The more they shushed him, the louder he hollered. Christ stopped and told them to bring him.
When they did so, Jesus asked him what He could do for him. He immediately asked to be able to see, and probably thought "Duh!". Jesus said that his faith had made him whole, and he should go on his way. He followed Jesus in the way from that time. That could be taken either as physically following Him or in becoming a follower, I guess.
At any rate, there were two key points to make. The first was that Jesus asked what he wanted. He stopped, and took the time to investigate what was important to the man. When He heard, He acted on what the man said and healed him. Sometimes, the needs we see are obvious, and it is easy to just pray for what we think is most important. But sometimes, the person before us has needs we can't see. It's always worthwhile to ask. That also makes clear that in this case the man was blind. When healed, the miracle is obvious to all present.
The second thing is that if God asks what you want, be honest and direct about what you want. God may say no, but at least you haven't asked for something unimportant when you really want something else. Be honest in all aspects.