The State of Humanity
We live in a totally broken world. Adam and Eve made a choice that has percolated down through the generations, cursing each of us, save Jesus Christ, with a sin nature that puts us at odds with God and with each other. Christ was the only person since Adam and Eve were created sinless who was free of the curse of sin, and He was crucified on the cross to make a bridge between sinful humanity and a holy God, for all who accept His free gift.
But be clear, His path to the cross was planned and executed by Jewish leaders who both rejected Him as the Messiah in spite of His works and who felt their position threatened by the people's acclaim for Jesus due to those same works.
The Roman soldiers mocked Him, beat and whipped Him savagely, nailed Him to a cross, gambled for His garments, and in the end trembled in fear as the darkness came and the earth shook before His death, and then at the tomb when He arose. And for all of that from the Romans and for all the plots against Him during His ministry on earth by the Jews, Jesus declared "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." [Luke 23:34]
There probably isn't a single adult in the world today who hasn't been wronged in some way, perhaps a few times, or perhaps an uncountable number of times. The same is also sadly true for many, many who are now children. All of us have gone through things that we should never have had to experience. The only difference between us is in the severity of the offense. But the pain is similar no matter how serious the offense was.
Sometimes, we did things that we should not have done to bring the offenses about. Sometimes, we are innocent. Usually, the truth that God sees is someplace in between. But the pain is still real, regardless of fault.
Why We Must Forgive
First and foremost, we are commanded to forgive. We are told to forgive as we pray to be forgiven [Matthew 6:12-15; Mark 11:25-26]. We are told that if we forgive those who trespass against us, God will forgive us of our trespasses against Him. If we don't forgive those who trespass against us, God won't forgive us of our trespasses. That, in and of itself, should be a sufficient reason to forgive.
The parable of the steward who was forgiven of a huge debt and then castigated someone who owed him a small sum is also a Biblical precedent for forgiveness, with the conclusion pointing to eternity [Matthew 18:23-35]. This immediately follows Peter asking Jesus how many times you should forgive a wrong. Peter was hoping for seven times, similar to the teaching of the time, but Jesus said you should forgive until 70 x 7 (490 for the math challenged) but the idea here is that you should forgive and go on forgiving without keeping count or score [Matthew 18:21-22; Luke 17:3-4].
Although this is primarily about forgiveness, the Sermon on the Mount talks at length about turning the other cheek, making sure that if you lose at a court of law in a civil matter that you overcompensate the winner for example.
What God asks of us isn't found in the human nature with which we are born. It goes against what the natural man wants when wronged and hurt. And in truth, it may take God's touch on your life to be able to truly forgive, particularly when you or people you love remain at risk or have been badly hurt. You need the Holy Spirit to help you achieve forgiveness. It isn't something you can usually do on your own.
If you asked the people of London during the blitz to forgive the Germans, you would have been laughed at. If you asked the people of Dresden, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, or Tokyo after fire bombs and atomic bombs were dropped to forgive the allies, you would have been laughed at. If you asked the relatives of those who were killed by Germans in concentration and extermination camps or those who survived to forgive, you'd be laughed at. The examples through history of monstrous atrocities are numerous, and this list barely scratches the surface. Lenin, Stalin, Pol Pot, and the various other examples of political or ethnic cleansing such as happened in Rwanda claimed many more. Bytes are cheap on the internet, but if all the things that had occurred were listed here, my disk space would be exhausted.
And yet, the number of people hurt in some way that history will rarely, if ever, record are even more numerous. Abuse, lies, cheating, infidelity, divorce, rape, incest, assault, being a victim of theft are a few examples and all leave a mark on your mind, spirit, soul and sometimes body. That mark or scar can be just as deep individually as those listed above for the person who received it. Many may try to make comparisons and say this or that is worse, but for the person who is hurt, the pain is just as deep.
So why do God and Jesus take such a hard position on forgiveness. First, forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting. Forgetting is only something that will happen with much elapsed time, and maybe not even then. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't learn from what happened and try to prevent something like that from happening to you again. It doesn't mean you don't talk to those you love and try to make sure they never put themselves in a position like you were in where they would be at risk. It doesn't mean that you don't try to strengthen yourself or to help you to become a better person, post trauma.
But the thing is, although you won't likely forget what has happened to you or those you love any time soon, forgiveness for us humans is more about freeing our heart from the pain it has received. War between nations is similar to problems at an individual level. After major conflicts come peace treaties. Sometimes the peace lasts and sometimes it doesn't. But we have to realize that even though we can't forget what nation A did to nation B, there were many inhabitants of both nations who didn't have any say in causing the war or carrying out the war. You may not forget if you lived through a war, but for the sake of the innocent, both parties need to try to forgive and get on with life. As the saying goes, and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth just ends up with a bunch of blind people only able to eat soft things.
The reality is that after Adam and Eve sinned, God didn't abandon us to our fates as He could have. He set a plan in motion, prophesied right after the fall [Genesis 3:15], to resolve the sin issue that Adam and Eve had started. God saw that plan through all the way to Jesus Christ. Once the horrible price was paid by Jesus before and on the cross, Jesus asked the Father to forgive. Many have been through much in their lives, but I don't think that anyone can compare with emptying yourself of your divine attributes, being born as a human, living life and then being tortured and killed without cause. Nothing is worse than that. Sometimes what happens equals that, in that it ends in torture and death, but even in that case, none of us are sinless and undeserving like Jesus was.
Jesus gave so much, and He was aware that He was going to have to give that much, and He still went through with it. According to Matthew 26:53, He had twelve legions of angels standing by at His beck and call, ready to rescue Him and wipe out humanity, but He chose to follow His Father's will instead. Considering one angel wiped out an entire army and all the firstborn in Egypt, think what twelve legions could have done. He had the resources, opportunity, and human reason to not suffer and certainly didn't have to declare at the end "Father forgive them", but He did.
So when God says that we also need to forgive and that He'll measure His forgiveness of us according to how we have forgiven others, we need to pay attention.
As you seek to grow from what has happened to you, the road will be rocky without God's help. If you are full of bitterness, it is likely that as you try to tell others to protect them, the bitterness will be seen and they will not learn the lessons as well as if you have come to a place of peace in your heart.
In addition, the more you hold onto the anger, remorse, bitterness, hatred, and other negative feelings, the more it will affect you. People may not like people who are overly cheerful and peppy all the time. But people also don't like people who are unpleasant or morose. Learning from what has happened is important. But letting go and forgiving the person is likely to make you a person that people like being around and doing things with. Also, forgiving can open up your heart to new and hopefully better situations and relationships. If you are hung up on what has happened to you in the past, you will find it hard to move on in what could be better relationships or situations in the future.
The reality is that no matter how good a life we have tried to live, we have all fallen short of God's standards [Romans 3:23]. None of us are perfect. Sometimes our sins are small in man's eyes. Sometimes they are large. But all sin, big or small, cuts us off from God without the blood of Jesus. And no matter what we have done, when we ask God to forgive us, He does [1 John 1:9].
Eternity is forever. That's a hard concept to grasp for us mortals. Enoch and Elijah have a taste of it, but the rest of us really don't, especially once lifespans were shortened. Don't let your heart be hardened or stay hardened towards people who have wronged you. Forgive and try to forget. It's what He expects of us. And it is good for us as well.
Trust in God to Judge and Repay
Judging Is Up to God
God declared that vengeance was His and that He would repay [Romans 12:19]. When we've been hurt, we don't like that scripture very much. But the reality is that God is the only one who can fairly judge everything that has happened, so dealing with hurts can only be fairly done by Him. I know that it seems like some things should be an open and shut case, and I think that to God they are. But God is also one who gives second, third, and probably more than 490 (or at least I hope more than 490) chances.
When Rehoboam tried to take over from Solomon, ten tribes split off and formed the group called Israel. Judah and Benjamin stayed together under his kingship. King after king led Israel, and the Bible judges all of them as bad or evil kings. God had told Jeroboam, the first leader of the ten, that if he followed God's commands, his rule could be like that of David. Sadly, he didn't choose to follow God.
Those who ruled Judah were a mixed lot, some good and some bad. But decade after decade passed as God stayed patient and gave the people another chance. Finally, the nation of Israel went into captivity with the Assyrians and eighty three years later the nation of Judah began being deported into captivity to the Babylonians. There were at least three or four waves of deportations lasting probably a couple more decades before it was complete.
God gave them chance after chance, but eventually He judged. God gave Pharaoh many chances, but eventually He judged. And thank God He has given me many chances, and I hope there will be many more because I am a weak and imperfect man who seems to fail Him in some way, all too often.
This world we live in today has had many second chances after Jesus was crucified. God is still giving extra chances, but eventually the rapture will occur, and the tribulation period will begin. God does eventually judge. And you know what? When He does, He often gets blamed for judging in an extreme manner. We look at our short life spans, and He may have been putting off judgment for centuries or millennia. So when He does lower the boom, it's generally a louder bang than we are comfortable with, forgetting all the years of mercy and grace He extended first.
It is true that not everyone gets judged on earth. Sometimes they die before God judges them here. But the Great White Throne judgment awaits all sinful men and women who have ever lived in addition to whatever happens to them on earth. Without the blood of Jesus which you only receive by making the decision to accept it and allow Jesus to be Lord of your life, doing your best with the Holy Spirit's guidance and help to live a life of repentance, God's judgment will be final. If your name has been blotted out of the Lamb's book of life by sin, you will bow and acknowledge God, and then get cast into the lake of fire for an eternity. His path to salvation cost Him much, but is free to us.
Nobody escapes judgment in the end. But God expects us to allow Him to handle things on earth. Yes, we have a court system that functions to execute judgment, and gets it right once and a while. But we aren't to seek judgment on our own. Usually, if you seek to perform your own judgment, the criminal justice or civil justice systems seem to work then, even if they failed when you were the victim.
Where Does That Leave Us
Trust in God to repay as appropriate. Trust in God to protect you and your loved ones. His protection is real. A lady in Sunday School says her husband recounted a life experience when he was little when he was locked in his room while his father raged outside. All of a sudden an angel was present with him to let him know it would be all right. He saw the angel. We don't always see the angels, but if we are Christian, we can at the very least know that He is with us.
God isn't oblivious to our problems. I don't think that He is constantly observing everything, but He does get reports of things going on [Genesis 18:21 as an example with Sodom and Gomorrah]. But all too often, our human nature expects Him to act in a human way and quickly. We want Him to punish our oppressors, but of course give mercy to us whenever we do things that irritate Him. That attitude of ours is messed up and completely contradictory, but all too human.
God gives everyone many chances to correct the course of their lives and get in a right relationship with Him. If He didn't the world wouldn't have been around this long. If He takes someone out because they have wronged you or someone you love, they might not ever get that next chance they need to turn their lives around. If it were you, you'd want those extra chances, right?
And beyond that, He has a pretty fantastic ability to see the future. Look at all the prophecies in the Bible that have been fulfilled. Some in Daniel were long before their time of fulfillment and dealt with huge empires, and came true. I think that He can see the many futures of our lives as well, and judge which are most likely based on our history of executing free will. He does want the best for all of His people, but what He sees as best is likely to be based on His plans and not ours. His plans will usually take precedence over our plans, even if that means He doesn't do what we want Him to do in a particular situation.
If He didn't act as you thought He should (or act as fast as you thought He should) in your case, there are some things you must ask. First, are you a Christian, putting Jesus first in your life? There are many promises in the Bible, but the only unconditional promise He makes is to take away the sin of those who call on Jesus and accept the sacrifice He made to make reconciliation with God possible. All the other promises are conditional, even for Christians.
Remember that God also created us with free will. While He does sometimes intervene, I think He mostly lets that free will work itself out. Were you a Christian when you started down the road that led to trouble? Did you heed the Holy Spirit's warnings not to take the path you chose? I'm fully sure that it would be extremely rare for God to purposely lead a Christian into a life choice that would be harmful unless it is your job, such as a missionary or evangelist.
The majority of problems people have start because their free will made a choice that they either didn't consult God on in the first place, or didn't listen to the answer He gave because it wasn't what they wanted to hear. Have you sought the baptism in the Holy Spirit at all as a Christian to increase the closeness to God?
Second, if you didn't heed the initial warning from God, did you heed later warnings? God can talk to you directly, and He does. But He can also speak through the written word in the Bible and in Christian church settings. Did you put yourself in a place where God could easily speak with you or did you shut God out long ago? When was the last time you opened the Bible to read His word? All too often, people get into situations that they should never have been near because they stopped being close to God and taking time to speak with and hear from Him.
Third, did you seek out the advice of people you trust and truly listen to it? Did you talk with your parents, brothers, sisters, close friends? Did you listen to that advice or did you ignore it because... reasons. Did you seek out people close to God to ask, or did you ask people like you who would be more inclined to give advice that went along with your wishes
God and parents get a bad rap for always trying to suck the fun out of life, but mostly, the rules and advice God ans parents give is done to keep our kids from getting into bad situations in the first place. Most parents aren't out to hurt their kids. Those that are are truly outliers.
What About the Innocent
A frequent complaint that is levied against God is that He shouldn't let children suffer. And He does love little children, of that I'm certain. When non-family adults hurt kids, it is a tragic thing, and shouldn't be permitted. It also shouldn't be covered up. But free will is still a thing. I'm pretty sure God will have much to say to those who have covered up what has been done to many children by His people.
The only thing I would say is that adults (parents and those higher up the food chain in organizations, whether religious or secular) need to be Christian and need to be listening to God as well. Just because someone is in a church or denomination, even in positions of leadership, does not automatically mean they are both Christian and listening to God. It takes both to effectively govern. But people are broken and fail no matter their position.
Many times, parents send their kids off to church but don't get involved on their own or aren't Christian themselves and are just sending the kids off to be rid of them for a while. That doesn't excuse the religious or secular organizations, but there are lots of people who should be listening to God better and aren't when these things happen and go on for years. They worry about the reputation of the organization, and that is always wrong.
But the bottom line is that if there are problems with people in organizations or people in families who harm children, it is very likely that if a Christian was involved, the Holy Spirit tried to nudge that Christian out of danger. The Holy Spirit tried to nudge them not to pick that church or organization to send their kids to. The Holy Spirit tried to nudge that Christian to not hire that individual. The Holy Spirit tried to get that Christian to turn the individual over to the authorities instead of keeping them in the organization.
If that person chose to ignore God's nudging for whatever reason, their free will was at fault and not God, and not the organization as a whole. And if you weren't a Christian or weren't listening to God at all either at the time of the incident, or perhaps when the children were created in the first place, then again, that was your free will choice and not God's fault. To touch back on an earlier point, perhaps God needed a particular child to be born because God had great things planned for them. By keeping you where you were for the time you were, that particular child was born. He's done it before.
God is made aware of earth's problems. Christians do so by prayer all the time, but His angels (both good and bad) report to Him. And He keeps track of more than you think He does on His own. If you doubt the bad angels reporting, consider the start of the book of Job. God, by His nature, gives multiple chances, and that is a good thing, no matter how hard it is to accept in a particular situation. He gives multiple chances to the bad guys along with the good.
As hard as it is, let Him decide what to do. Try to protect yourself from further bad situations. Try to protect those you love. Accept Christ if you aren't a Christian. Try to change your ways and habits if they are leading to bad decisions. But don't take vengeance into your own hands. Let God judge. He knows all the facts and is impartial. A person who is hurt can never be.
Beyond Forgiveness
Go beyond forgiving and set aside time every day to pray for the person or persons who wronged you. This is particularly important when you can't be free of the person such as when dealing with shared child custody issues. Pray for God's protection on you and your loved ones. Pray that the one who wronged you will have their heart and nature changed to help keep your loved ones safe.
Become a better Christian yourself, and even if you don't rub off on the person who hurt you, maybe you'll rub off on your kids. They're more important than a grudge, anyway. And remember that the long arm of the law might not have worked in your favor before when you needed it to help you. But if you do something illegal to the person who wronged you, Murphy's Law, or someone's law, will probably cause the law to work to get you in trouble. No matter how bad the situation was, you can't help those who depend on you if you've been thrown in jail or made bankrupt in civil proceedings. Put your trust in God and listen to what He tells you.
And finally, although this is a bit off topic, make all decisions with a clear head, and try to have a clear head at all times and be around people with clear heads.Alcohol and drug use have done more to cause events or words that need forgiveness than most any other tangible thing. When your mind isn't clear or you're around someone whose mind isn't clear, words can be said that are wrong in the first place or taken wrong by the listener, leading to hurts that need forgiven. Let God judge. He knows the truth about every situation.
If it applies, clean up your own life from substance abuse (or any other type of abuse) for yourself. You'll be a better Christian. You'll be a better parent. You'll be a better employee. You'll be a better son or daughter, brother or sister. You'll be a better friend. And best of all, you'll be able to hear God better.