The State of Humanity
We live in a totally broken world. Adam and Eve made a choice that has percolated down through the generations, cursing each of us, save Jesus Christ, with a sin nature that puts us at odds with God and with each other. Christ was the only person since Adam and Eve were created sinless who was free of the curse of sin, and He was crucified on the cross to make a bridge between sinful humanity and a holy God, for all who accept His free gift.
But be clear, His path to the cross was planned and executed by Jewish leaders who both rejected Him as the Messiah in spite of His works and who felt their position threatened by the people's acclaim for Jesus due to those same works.
The Roman soldiers mocked Him, beat and whipped Him savagely, nailed Him to a cross, gambled for His garments, and in the end trembled in fear as the darkness came and the earth shook before His death, and when at the tomb when He arose. And for all of that from the Romans and for all the plots against Him during His ministry on earth by the Jews, Jesus declared "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." [Luke 23:34]
There probably isn't a single adult in the world today who hasn't been wronged in some way, perhaps a few times, or perhaps an uncountable number. The same is also sadly true for many, many children. All of us have gone through things that we should never have had to experience. The only difference is the severity. But the pain is similar no matter how serious the offense was.
Sometimes, we did things that we should not have done to bring the offenses about. Sometimes, we are innocent. Usually, the truth that God sees is someplace in between. But the pain is still real, regardless of fault.
Why We Must Forgive
First and foremost, we are commanded to forgive. We are told to forgive as we pray to be forgiven [Matthew 6:12-15, 11:25-26]. We are told that if we forgive those who trespass against us, God will forgive us of our trespasses against Him. If we don't forgive those who trespass against us, God won't forgive us of our trespasses. That, in and of itself, should be a sufficient reason to forgive.
The parable of the steward who was forgiven of a huge debt and then castigated someone who owed him a small sum is also a Biblical precedent for forgiveness, with the conclusion pointing to eternity [Matthew 18:23-35]. This immediately follows Peter asking Jesus how many times you should forgive a wrong. Peter was hoping for seven times, similar to the teaching of the time, but Jesus said you should forgive until 70 x 7 (490 for the math challenged) but the idea here is that you should forgive and go on forgiving without keeping count or score [Matthew 18:21-22; Luke 17:3-4].
Although this is primarily about forgiveness, the Sermon on the Mount talks at length about turning the other cheek, making sure that if you lose at a court of law in a civil matter that you overcompensate the winner.
What God asks of us isn't found in the human nature with which we are born. It goes against what the natural man wants when wronged and hurt. And in truth, it takes God's touch on your life to be able to forgive, particularly when you or people you love remain at risk or have been badly hurt. You need the Holy Spirit to help you achieve forgiveness. It isn't something you can usually do on your own.
If you asked the people of London during the blitz to forgive the Germans, you would have been laughed at. If you asked the people of Dresden, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, or Tokyo after fire bombs and atomic bombs were dropped to forgive the allies, you would have been laughed at. If you asked the relatives of those who were killed by Germans in concentration and extermination camps or those who survived to forgive, you'd be laughed at. The examples through history of monstrous atrocities are numerous, and this list barely scratches the surface. Lenin, Stalin, Pol Pot, the various other examples of ethnic cleansing such as happened in Rwanda claimed many more. Bytes are cheap on the internet, but if all the things that had occurred were listed here, my disk space would be exhausted.
And yet, the number of people hurt in some way that history will rarely record are even more numerous. Abuse, lies, cheating, infidelity, rape, incest, assault, being a victim of theft... all leave their mark that can be just as deep individually as those listed above for the person who received it. Many may try to make comparisons and say this or that is worse, but for the person who is hurt, the pain is just as deep.
So why do God and Jesus take such a hard position on forgiveness. First, forgiveness isn't the same as forgetting. Forgetting is only something that will happen with much elapsed time, and maybe not even then. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't learn from what happened and try to prevent something like that happening to you again. It doesn't mean you don't talk to those you love and try to make sure they never put themselves in a position like you were in. It doesn't mean that you don't try to strengthen yourself or to help you to become a better person.
But the thing is, although you won't likely forget what has happened to you or those you love any time soon, forgiveness for us humans is more about freeing our heart from the pain it has received. War between nations is similar to problems at an individual level. After major conflicts come peace treaties. Sometimes the peace lasts and sometimes it doesn't. But we have to realize that even though we can't forget what nation A did to nation B, there were many inhabitants of both nations who didn't have any say in causing the war or carrying out the war. You may not forget if you lived through a war, but for the sake of the innocent, both parties need to try to forgive and get on with life. As the saying goes, and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth just ends up with a bunch of blind people only able to eat soft things.
The reality is that after Adam and Eve sinned, God didn't abandon us to our fates as He could have. He set a plan in motion, prophesied right after the fall [Genesis 3:15], to resolve the sin issue that Adam and Eve had started, and saw that plan through all the way to Jesus Christ. Once the horrible price was paid by Jesus before and on the cross, Jesus asked the Father to forgive. Many have been through much in their lives, but I don't think that anyone can compare with emptying yourself of your divine attributes, being born as a human, living life and then being tortured and killed without cause. Nothing is worse than that. Sometimes what happens equals that, in that it ends in torture and death, but even in that case, none of us are sinless and undeserving like Jesus.
Jesus gave so much, and He was aware that He was going to have to give that much, and He still went through with it. According to Matthew 26:53, He had twelve legions of angels standing by ready to rescue Him and wipe out humanity at His beck and call when He volunteered to follow His Father's will. Considering one angel wiped out an entire army and all the firstborn in Egypt, think what twelve legions could have done. He had the resources, opportunity, and human reason to not suffer like He did, and to certainly not say at the end "Father forgive them", but He did.
So when God says that we also need to forgive and that He'll measure His forgiveness of us according to how we have forgiven others, we need to pay attention.
As you seek to grow from what has happened to you, the road will be rocky without God's help. If you are full of bitterness, it is likely that as you try to tell others to protect them, the bitterness will be seen and they will not learn the lessons as well as if you have come to a place of peace in your heart.
The reality is that no matter how good a life we have tried to live, we have all fallen short of God' standards [Romans 3:23]. None of us are perfect. Sometimes are sins are small in man's eyes. Sometimes they are large. But all sin, big or small, cuts us off from God without the blood of Jesus. And no matter what we have done, when we ask God to forgive us, He does [1 John 1:9]. Eternity is forever. That's a hard concept to grasp for us mortals. Enoch and Elijah have a taste of it, but the rest of us really don't, especially once lifespans were shortened. Don't let your heart be hardened or stay hardened towards people who have wronged you. Forgive and try to forget. It's what He expects of us.
Trust in God to Judge and Repay
God declared that vengeance was His and that He would repay [Romans 12:19]. When we've been hurt, we don't like that scripture very much. But the reality is that God is the only one who can fairly judge everything that has happened, so dealing with hurts can only be fairly done by Him. I know that it seems like some things should be an open and shut case, and I think that to God they are. But God is also one who gives second, third, and probably more than 490 (or at least I hope more than 490) chances.
When Rehoboam tried to take over from Solomon, ten tribes split off and formed the group called Israel. Judah and Benjamin stayed together under his kingship. King after king led Israel, and the Bible judges all of them as bad or evil kings. Those who ruled Judah were a mixed lot, some good and some bad. But decade after decade passed as God stayed patient and gave the people another chance. Finally, the nation of Israel went into captivity with the Assyrians and the nation of Judah went into captivity with the Babylonians.
God gave them chance after chance, but eventually He judged. God gave Pharaoh many chances, but eventually He judged. And thank God He has given me many chances, and I hope there will be many more because I am a weak and imperfect man who seems to fail Him too often.
This world we live in today has had many second chances after Jesus was crucified. God is still giving extra chances, but eventually the rapture will occur, and the tribulation period will begin. God does eventually judge.
It is true that not everyone gets judged on earth. Sometimes they die before God judges them here. But the Great White Throne judgment awaits all sinful men and women who have ever lived. Without the blood of Jesus which you only receive by making the decision to accept it and allow Jesus to be Lord of your life, doing your best to live a life or repentance, God's judgment will be final and if your name has been blotted out of the Lamb's book of life by sin, you will bow and acknowledge God and then get cast into the lake of fire for an eternity.
Nobody escapes judgment in the end. But God expects us to allow Him to handle things on earth. Yes, we have a court system that functions to execute judgment, and gets it right once and a while. But we aren't to seek judgment on our own. Usually, if you seek to perform your own judgment, the criminal justice or civil justice systems seem to work them, even if they failed when you were the victim.
Trust in God to repay as appropriate. Trust in God to protect you and your loved ones. His protection is real. A lady in Sunday School says her husband recounted a life experience when he was little when he was locked in his room while his father raged outside. All of a sudden an angel was present with him to let him know it would be all right. He saw the angel. We don't always see the angels, but if we are Christian, we can at the very least know that He is with us.